Snape's Desire
by skrewtkeeper
Summary: This is a story that did not happen so please don't tell me it didn't! but I like to think of the story that it should have happened!


The desire to see her again was almost unbearable. The last time he had seen her was nearly 15 years ago and that was when she had loved him...instead of that troublemaker. The name burned like acid in Snape's mouth as he recalled his name- Potter.

They had never been friends and had never wanted to be. James Potter had made up his mind about him and Snape on that first night on the train. He had called Snape "Snivellus". Snape shuddered as he recalled his dreadful years in the otherwise grand castle of Hogwarts.

It never became prudent to James that Snape just wanted to be left alone. James had made perfectly sure that Snape was always miserable and unhappy...at least he wasn't to be bothered by him anymore.

But then, his son had just come to the school that very year...Snape hated that face. But Snape's eyes, however reluctantly, always lingered on that boy's eyes...Harry's eyes were the exact shape and color that Lily Evans' eyes were.

Snape had tried so hard to forget her and pretend that his "love" for her was only temporary... but this was not so. He was in love with her and only her. How could he love someone else when Lily had left a mark so great upon him?

Snape crossed the steps in the dark, silent castle on to the second floor. Could he just see her one more time? After all, his love for her was great and there was a way to get what he wanted.

The mirror of Erised

The only mirror that was capable of showing the deepest and most desparate desire of anyone's heart. The only way he could see the woman he loved again...

Snape hurried on to the third floor with mounting excitement...He would try to tell her how sorry he was for not trying to delude Voldemort into saving her. He had after all only asked Voldemort to spare her; when Voldemort had flatly refused, he did not press the matter further...

Snape hurried on and with a hasty "Alohomora" charm; the door burst free from enchantment and Snape ran inside.

The mirror was standing precisely in the middle of the room. Glittery and grimy at the same time, it stood waiting as if it were an old friend that was anxious to greet Snape.

Snape crossed the room in no less than three strides and stopped in front of the mirror; he shut his eyes and remembered Lily as well as he could.

After a moment or two, he opened his eyes. There she was standing there...smiling at him as if nothing had gone wrong.

" Lily," he breathed.

"Severus," she whispered quietly back. Snape's heart nearly burst with joy as he heard the sound of her voice.

"Lily," Snape began. He struggled for a moment; trying to find the right words. "Lily, I am so sorry that you ended up dying for my errors!" Snape said, his face distorted in grief. "I wish I were dead! You can probably not even count how many times I have wished for my death," sobbed Snape.

"Lily, I love you!" he said. Tears were falling thick and fast down his face as he spoke to Lily and tried to apologize.

"Severus," Lily whispered gently. "It's all right. I'm ok," Lily said trying to smile. Snape tried to smile back. Those muscles in his face seemed to have long forgotten what smiling felt like. "Sev, I'm ok. I'm actually more than ok because I don't have to worry anymore." To answer Snape's questioning gaze, she quickly added,"I don't have to worry about Harry anymore because I know you are protecting him! I can not express how much love and gratitude I feel towards you at this moment!" Lily beamed at him.

"But, how do you know?" questioned a stunned Snape. Dumbledore had promised never to reveal this to anyone, even if they were dead...

".. I've seen him!" interrupted Lily. " He looks exactly perfect! Thank you so much Sev, for helping to keep him alive!"

"That still doesn't explain how you know I'm protecting him," protested Snape.

"Well actually," Lily blushed the silver-blue of the mirror. Snape stared at her, nearly forgetting to breathe, remembering how often he had made her do that. "Dumbledore had let slip to Harry that you were trying to save him during his first Quidditch match. That's how I know." Lily sighed. Snape's pulse quickened as he marveled in the beauty of it.

"I love you Lily," Snape said quietly. He longed to be behind the glass with her. Snape pressed his fingers to the glass, but could not reach her to hold her. He desparately tried to cling to the glass while Lily watched him with sadness in her eyes.

"It's no use Sev, I can't come back," said Lily- her voice breaking. "I can't come back," she repeated.

"Can't come back?" asked Snape slowly. He could not believe her. He**would** not believe her. The woman he desired most was just standing through the glass. How could she not just step through the glass?

"Sev, I'm sorry," said Lily quietly as her eyes filled up with tears. "I can't come back."

Snape, finally understanding she **couldn't** come back just said,"Lily, I'll miss you." As he said it, horrible grief engulfed him once more as tears started to fall down his once happy face.

Lily whispered,"Goodbye," and faded into the darkness.

Snape, with a huge effort, left the mirror and a piece of himself, in the heart of the only woman who had ever loved him.


End file.
